There exists over a thousand surviving letters between John and Abigail Adams, perhaps the most notable long-distance couple in American history. Perhaps you have heard stories from your grandparents about going long distance during times of war. Or maybe your parents were highschool sweethearts who had to be apart once they went away to college.
If there is anything history tells us, it’s that long-distance relationships are not easy. But modern technology makes keeping up with your partner much more convenient. Gone are the days of letters and expensive long-distance phone calls. With a cell phone in your pocket, you and your partner can be virtually together anytime and anywhere.
However, this doesn’t make long-distance relationships necessarily easy. So, are they worth it?
Hollywood likes to romanticize long-distance relationships as something that oftentimes winds up working out in the end. But that is far from realistic. Take a look at Damien Chazelle’s 2016 masterpiece “La La Land.” The film follows the journey of two artists, the actress and playwright Mia and the musician Sebastian, as they pursue their dreams at the expense of their love.
During a segment of the film where the couple goes long distance for a few months, we watch the lovers we’ve spent the past hour routing for fall apart. Sebastian is on tour with a band he hates trying to make enough money to open a jazz club, and he fails to make it to the opening performance of Mia’s play. Things only get worse when Mia’s big break in the movie world requires her to move away to Paris for filming.
While it’s abundantly clear that Mia and Sebastian deeply love and care about each other, the places their careers are taking them cause their relationship to end. The film concludes after a five-year time-skip, where Mia and her new husband are out on a date at a jazz club. We see the club’s owner and main performer Sebastian greeting guests from the stage. Mia and Sebastian share a glance from afar with tears in their eyes. The film ends with the couple exchanging a smile one last time.
“La La Land” is a perfect example of the reality of long-distance relationships. No matter how much Mia and Sebastian love each other, they could never pursue their dreams as a couple. If Mia followed Sebastian on his tour, she would have never become a famous actress. If Sebastian accompanied Mia to Paris, he would have never opened his club. Their story, while tragic and sad, is rather bittersweet. Both artists achieve their dreams, but at the cost of their life together.
I believe this to be the reality of many long-distance relationships, especially in college. High school relationships, while fundamental and at times perfect, are not always the best predictors of the future. College differs from high school, as the things that truly matter in life now enter the forefront of many students’ minds. You’re no longer working to walk across a stage and get a diploma, you’re working to master the topic of your major, find a job to kickstart your career and create a life for yourself worthy of carrying into your future.
And the sad truth is, that sometimes, your long-distance high school relationship can stand in the way of that. Much like with Mia and Sebastian, sometimes you need to sacrifice a life with someone you truly love for the sake of your career and future, and that’s okay.
The way I see it, long-distance relationships in college are well worth the struggle if your partner does not stand in the way of what you truly want out of life. If your partner is your best friend and someone you cannot see yourself living without, then the pain of a long-distance relationship will most likely pay off in the end. When you encourage each other to follow each of your dreams while never sacrificing your own desires for life, your time long distance, while certainly not the best, can be necessary to reaching an ideal adult relationship.
Giving up on your best friend for an on-demand relationship will boil down to selfishness. If there is anything history has taught us over the years, it is that going the distance is far from an impossible feat. When phone calls replace date nights, remember that modern technology is a blessing your ancestors did not have. Stand by each other’s side during long distance, and I believe that your relationship will be stronger in the end once your time apart is over.
Are long distance relationships worth it? When two best friends spend time apart but continue to stand in each other’s corner and aid each other to pursue their dreams and aspirations as one, I believe they are.
However, a shared past, while memorable, formative or even perfect, means nothing if it leads to an unwound future.