Republican presidential candidates are a joke

Cartoon by Kirstin Cook

Kirstin Cook, Editor-in-Chief

Audiences across America are enjoying a hilarious comedy television series. This program has it all: outrageous comments, humorous conflict and eccentric characters. This is no traditional sitcom, but viewers have relished the laughs. President Barack Obama is probably laughing harder than anyone else.

This comedy act is the broadcast debates between the 2012 republican candidates running for president.

These debates, and the various media appearances that these candidates have made, are filled with mistakes, offensive comments and inconsistencies. Many of these characters are far too ridiculous to be seriously considered for the chief executive of our country. These candidates have become more like stars of the comedy shows that point out their embarrassments than legitimate political figures, as former head writer of “The Tonight Show” pointed out in The Kansas City Star.

“It’s a theme park for variety show writers, this group is,” said Andrew Nicholls. “You’re looking for human foibles – and here you have ignorance, arrogance, stupidity and foolishness crammed into the smallest number of people.

If you’ve missed the latest episodes, here’s a recap of the ludicrous cast:

Herman Cain – The pizza guy

Cain, the former head of Godfather’s Pizza, may have gotten the job description of president of the United States mixed up with the one for manager of Pizza Hut. Cain has repeatedly broadcast his opinion that the president is not required to be knowledgeable about foreign events, but rather interact with people who are and take their counsel. In reality, competency in world affairs is a major element of the president’s job responsibilities.

Cain has used this viewpoint to compensate for moments when his embarrassing lack of awareness on foreign affairs shine, such as during his interview with Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. When asked about President Obama’s decisions on Libya, he blanked, and responded with, “I got all this stuff twirling around in my head.”

Cain uses his “9-9-9 Tourette’s” to answer any other issues he is ignorant of. Unfortunately, this grand plan he has of 9% sales tax would be a death certificate for the American economy.

Not to mention the alleged sexual harassment charges pressed by three different women. The fact that anyone would consider him as a competent leader of a country is embarrassing.

Michele Bachmann – The ignorant historian

In Bachmann’s history books, events are a little skewed from reality. The Minnesota congresswoman claimed that the first shots of the Revolutionary were shot in New Hampshire when they were actually in Massachusetts, stated that the 1976 Swine Flu occurred under democrat President Carter when it actually happened during Republican Ford’s term and that John Quincy Adams was one of the Founding Fathers when he was not.

Bachman’s scientific knowledge is off just a little, too. She commented on the toxic gas carbon dioxide, saying there was not a single study to show it is harmful.

Even more disturbing are her offensive comments on sexual orientation and race. She labels homosexuality as a “disease” and a “sexual dysfunction” that must be cured, and has outright stated that cultures are not considered equal, showing clear bigotry and ignorance.

Rick Perry – the forgetful executioner

In 55 seconds, Perry killed his chances of getting on the ballot for the presidency. During the Nov. 9 republican debate, he began to list the three government agencies he would get rid of, but forgot the third one. These types of “oops” moments are not acceptable for the leader of our country.

The governor of Texas seemed to have eagerly embraced Texas’ acceptance of the death penalty. Ever since Perry’s term began in 2000, over 200 prisoners have been executed, according to International Business Times.  He said he does not struggle with these executions, showing his lack of empathy for humanity regardless of opinions on the death penalty.

Mitt Romney – The flip-flopping puppet

Romney has multiple masks to switch his political viewpoints when it is convenient for him. His view on gun control has switched from supporting control measures in 1994 and 2002 to promoting the Second Amendment right to bear arms in 2008. Of course, there’s the classic example of “RomneyCare,” which Obama used as an inspiration in his health care plan. Romney has incessantly attacked Obama’s plan, while having a strikingly similar one in his record.

Romney tries to get away with this flip-flopping by being overly broad about his standings on issues. Having him as president would have the same effect as electing a rock to sit in the Oval Office. He would serve as a puppet to whatever political motivations would propel his own status.

That is a mere overview of the players involved in the circus show known as the republican presidential campaign. Supporting actors have also contributed to the running joke. Newt Gingrich plays the hypocritical cheater, who had an affair on his cancer-stricken wife while leading Clinton’s impeachment, Rick Santorum plays the ironic homophobe who has likened homosexuality to incest and adultery, Ron Paul plays the insane uncle who is more against government than for leading it and Jon Huntsman plays the exaggerated foreigner who can’t really speak Mandarin as well as he claims.

We should be careful that this comedy routine does not turn into a horror movie come November.